Accessorizing for the day

Standing out from the crowd is good. Give it a try. Why no do a little something different. That something that someone at the office will notice.

You can have your boerie and eat it this way. With the heat we are experiencing these days in Gauteng it would be a great opportunity to slowly cook the boerewors while wearing it.

You would make your colleagues around you drool in anticipation of you removing your scarf and tucking in to it. Isn't that just a stunning way to make new friends and keep the current ones coming back for more?

I think if you wrap it as tightly as our delighted model here, you will also help to marinate it slowly in a lovely salty mixture...

Stick Figures in Car Windows

I mean really. This must be one of the most stupid things I have seen yet on people's cars.

I come from Pretoria and we have people driving around with a blue ballsack hanging from their bakkies. This however is probably slightly worse.

The blue ballsack I can understand is a sign of Afrikaans redneck support of my team the Bulls. Not saying in anyway that I don' fall into that category a little, but I stayed away from the ballsack and the mullet.

At first I thought that it must only be the wives of the blue ballsack brigade that had these and at first it was only woman I saw behind the steering wheels. The number of men is however increasing at an alarming rate.

This madness must stop.

WTF are they doing in Finland?

Remember that last time you got so mad when you were frolicking in the snow that you ran a guy into a building with your riding crop while wearing just your suspenders, stockings and a jacket? Not, while apparently it is something that happens in Finland.

This one might be a little more difficult to explain. My explanation is however only a shrugging of shoulders and I plead a WTF?!?!

The Care Bear that wasn't

About two decades ago there was a cute story on TV about the Care Bears. Little did anyone know that before that there was another story pitched called the Hair Bear.

For some unknown reason it didn't result in a popular TV show... there were no lunch boxes with cute little pictures of the Hair Bear... no one wanted a duvet set with a Hair Bear on it.

Life is so unfair.

The way to kick off the weekend

Need something with a kick to get you ready for the weekend? Well Doritos has this amazing new flavour that really gets you going in the right way... well for some at least.

I am not exactly sure who they are targeting with this one, but there must probably be people who think: "Mmm... can't wait to be kicked in the nuts while choking on some Doritos!"

Kung Fu WTF

In a special attempt by the USA Department of Labour they are trying to counter the success of the Kung Fu Panda.

They just hate coming in second behind China and Japan. It is so irritating that those Asian countries are filled with people who work hard and study harder than any normal human beings on the planet.

The US decided however to take Ms. Shaniqua Williams and put her on a special 12 times per day McDonalds eating programme along with two Tai Chi lessons a week.

You can see that their efforts have paid off. What a true marvel of nature.

(and yes she is making millions in endorsements off those stretch jeans, because you can see how good they are doing their job)

WTF - Get your freak on

This is a very subtle example, but I think you will get the idea. There is no problem with hanging out with the weird people, it is just that some of them also get it wrong.

I know a few people (especially Tharina) who might get a stroke if she sees someone with such an amazing make up job.

What I am not sure of is whether the two guys are reaching out to her because they care about the "special people" or if the two guys are in fact the "special ones".

At least lots of weird fun will be had by all.

Who's the man? I'm the man...

Some days are better than others. Some days you feel like you are not getting the recognition you deserve at work... no one chants your name or starts a slow clap when you enter the office... the CEO has not invited to dinner or a braai... you don't have your corner office and company Jaguar yet.

So then comes the time to bring the sexy back and work on some self promotion.

Now here is our easy guide with some simple steps to follow to get you going in the right direction:
1. Preparation - shave chest and add fake tufts of hair to stomach/chests showing who the person is people should be looking at in the photo.
2. Preparation (part 2) - make sure you have a Hitler-like hair cut or get one if you don't have one already. (Any dictator hairstyle would do. It brings all the girls to the braai).
3. Look for a appropriate Hot or Not website - add you photo on there and see the admirers starting to flock in. Alternatively just make it your profile pic on Facebook and set your relationship status to "Grrrrrr"

Before long you will be the envy of every single person in the world.

When Valentines Day is a Little Less Special

As all men I know I have probably failed on meeting expectations on this one waaaaaay to many times. I know that my gestures are more often than not the Channing-Tatum-swooping-in-offering-a-heart-felt-gesture-to-make-all-men-look-like-idiots moment. But I think the person in our picture might have gotten it wrong.

There are people who miss the point and there are people who miss the point and make you hope that they are institutionalized before they come to get you.

A grand gesture really does go a long way and I know the idea of being creative and really doing something unique is inspirational. There are however some instances when that might not be the case.

So for those who thought that they would show their loved ones that they loved them will all of their heart this coming Valentines Day, I think you should look at alternatives... or run the risk of a restraining order... and you will be very dead if you give all of your heart in this way... and being dead sucks.

Just bloody marvelous

People have good days... bad days and then some have bloody marvelous days.

You know how you sometimes wonder if your day is going to turn out right? Saw a post the other day about a friend on her first day back at work and the key broke off in her car's ignition.

That sucks, but what sucks more is what happened to our friend in his nice all white outfit. When you are lying in the road and someone has to hold something over your ass in an attempt to stop the blood shooting out you are more than likely not having a good day.

When the blood is so much that it has already streamed down your legs it is a good indication that your day can only get better from here. So as this beautiful day unfolds, think to yourself: Has blood shot out of my ass today? If the answer is NO, then your day will at least be better than our friends... If YES then go to the doctor, do not pass go, do not collect R200, go straight to the doctor.

Bloody marvelous

WTF - Do NOT puff and pass

There is always a good reason to relax a bit and kick back. Sometimes you might feel that you want to partake in some of the African herbal medicine.

I am just ever so slightly shocked that the man is stall packing more into his bong with the present company he is keeping.

If I am not mistaken, paranoia is one of the things that goes really well with the use of the herbs. Now I am a little worried for this here gentleman's continued mental well being.

What the evidence tells us is that he is just about to light up and let the relaxation flow over him. The problem comes in when he opens his eyes again. Next to him there would be an Oompa Loompa crossed by a Orc from Lord of the Rings... wearing board shorts, a tucked in shirt and some nice old pantyhose.

That is one of those things you can not un-see and when you hit the height of your paranoia, you will never be coming back...

The PK

There are those days when you really want to give someone a proper klap. PK does not stand for "proper klap" and if I need to explain the real word, you are missing the point already. 

However, this is one of the best specimens I have seen to date of how it is done. There are no half measures here. I do believe it was however fueled by some inspirational brandy drinking. 

Looks like something that will more than likely be happening in Zilla & Jacques' jacuzzi on Friday evening...

WTF - Serenade

You might not think it is a bad thing if you are sitting at your desk, casually working and you get serenaded... Ahhh, how romantic... But when you look up and this is what you see?!?!?

There are some sites that just don't inspire romance and I think this is about as high up on the list as it can be.

Everyone loves the "I'm sexy and I know it!" from LMFAO. It is a damn funny video and song, but this is not exactly the same.

Okay so lets run through the checklist:
1. Bare bear-gut... CHECK
2. Head dress stolen from Arabic passer by... CHECK
3. Huge nipple rings.... CHECK
4. Bathrobe... CHECK
5. Hairless cat in one arm.... CHECK

A very interesting deliberate wardrobe malfunction. I think the lady is probably not going to have an interest in men ever again.

WTF - Not the time to smile

I am all for staying positive and keeping the mood cheery. There are however times when you just say no. You don't play all polite and you don't smile when this happens.

When it is Christmas Eve and it is time to open presents you know something is not going the way it should when the 3 sisters and the mother have to dress up in the same flannels... Things don't get better with "dad"sitting there sporting his bitch tits for the camera.

If ever there was a dodgy looking individual "dad" takes the cake. Just say no. "Turn that smile upside down"... get the pepper spray... use it and flee. If you can't get away... use the pepper spray on yourself to make sure you don't need to see anymore of dad's bitch tits. It is a sin against eyes everywhere.

Diet help - WTF

You have to enlarge it to get the whole horrifying effect. Well it is a very special photo.

The back of the shirt reads: "Lick at the split"... mini throw-up.

You can have those photos up on the fridge that help you not to overeat, but this one comes with the double threat. When looking at it not only will you not overeat, you will be nauseated enough not to want to eat at all.

It is definitely one of the more disturbing pictures I have seen in a while. The thing I am just wondering about is exactly what happened earlier on in that day that led to this wardrobe decision...

Ambition - WTF?!?!

It is important to have ambition. Have goals in life and this lady has got it all. I think that absolutely all her dreams have now come true.

She is walking down the road on a leash, handcuffed, dressed like a working woman and who is that at the end of the leash?

Well it is one of those dominatrix Oompa Loompas of course. This one just had a bit of a dip in the chocolate river in the Willy Wonka's factory.

Back to our ambitious young lady. I must say this is all speculation, but I am not exactly sure where she goes from here... I just don't think it is going to be pretty. One of those things you definitely don't want to see... like the Mariah Carey Christmas DVD... the horror...

Dog's Life - WTF

I am thinking back to all of those poor animals that didn't make it in Australia with the floods last year. Some survived however with a lot of struggle. Struggling to keep their heads above water...

I think this dog understands what they went through. His predicament is however one that I hope no human or animal ever needs to go through.

He is sitting on two uneven wobbling mountains and he is seeing the impending doom... One misstep and he will get taken by that MOOOOOSE KNUCKLE!!!

Meanwhile in Georgia

The Georgians really try to bring out the lighter side of war. Why should it be such a dull and dreary affair full of tears and unhappiness.

They really know how to put the LAUGH in SLAUGHTER!

Just roll in the tanks and have them led out by a Georgian Hillbilly playing an accordion.

Knitted Jacket - WTF

You know how the fashion houses have "ready to wear" lines of clothes, well this is one of them.

There are those days when you just feel like putting on your knitted jacket, put on your scarf and hold a chicken upside down.

Can you imagine how the ladies are just getting weak at the knees when they see that HUGE CO... uhhh... well the big bird matches the drapes...

Last night at Firkin - WTF

While Lindie was screaming "Meeeeelaaaaaniiiieeeee!!!" at the top of her lungs everyone else was seeing this.

Okay so I am no 100% sure that it is the exact picture they saw, but I know that if I was watching Jay in concert this would be what I would be seeing.

It is not the kind of mental image you want really, but I am just wondering exactly WTF went down here...

You go to a nice concert in the part... the old guy with the hairy ass jumps on stage and shows of his crack plumage. Of course his dear blonde friend wants in on this action and luckily she packed her little love whip.

The end result is gut-wrenching, oops-I-ate-three-day-old-KFC violent puking and spontaneous bowel movements.